A day in Bachok, Kelantan

Salam..

Semlm lepas subuh, mak, ayah & aku bersiap utk mulakn perjlnan. Kami berhenti mkn di kedai mamak berdekatan di rumah Kak Ina. Sambil sarapan, aku membelek Blackberry pemberian Kak Ina; teruja.

Tanpa berlengah, ayah pandu kereta Toyota Rush biru menyusuri bandar KL pada pukul 9 pagi. Sekian lama duduk di bandar, nyata percutian ini membawa suatu perasaan segar. Tambahan, negeri Kelantan belum pernah aku lihat. Sejam ayah memandu, kami sudah berada di separuh lebuhraya Karak. Gunung-ganang, hutan lipur, & sawah bendang kami di kiri & kanan, negeri Kelantan masih lagi di hadapan.

Pada pukul 1.15 tgh hari, kami tiba di Gua Musang utk berhenti mkn. Indah. Sesudah solat jamak, kami sambung perjalanan. Tiba di Kubang Kria, jam sudah menunjukkan pukul 3 – jalan sesak menuju ke Kota Bharu. 2 jam trafik bergerak perlahan & akhirnya, kami sampai di Kota Bharu utk mengambil Farah utk ke Bachok pula. Sambil menunggu Farah bersiap-siap, aku & ayah minum petang.

Kami sambung perjalanan tanpa lengah kerana hari makin lewat & kata ayah, perjlnan ke Bachok masih jauh. Kami menuju ke Pantai Irama; jam sudah pukul 7 & kami sesat mencari simpang ke rumah Aunty Nora di Bachok. Akhirnya, sekitar pukul 9 mlm, kami sampai. Kepenatan, kami gagahkan diri utk duduk berbual & bertukar berita. Pukul 12 mlm, aku lena.

Bodoh?

Salam…

2 bulan yang lepas, harapan aku utk gahkan diri melanggar status sebagai pelajar/penganggur kini makin pudar. Sungguh, kadang-kadang sakit dada jantung menghentak rangka agar bersabar dgn perubahan & rombakan polisi pahit akademik di Malaysia kini terutamanya MMU. Aku tidak lagi mahu menunding salah kerana dari atas usaha sendiri, tidak akan timbul suatu permasalahan. Benar kata ulama’, pensyarah & pendakwah – “makin kita paksa diri kepada kebaikan, semakin sukar cabaran”. Namun, usaha salama 2 bulan bagaikan berpeluh di hadapan TV. Aku yakin & percaya, sepanjang semester ini, aku lebih tekun; aku elakkan unsur negatif & aku bantu rakan-rakan dalam assignment mereka. Hampa disebabkan 1 silap mini – leka dgn perubahan polisi & kedatangan.

Motif utama journal kali ini, pilihan jln hidup utk semester hadapan – wajar atau tidak aku berhenti belajar. Sungguhpun aku tidak punya kelulusan saujana muda, aku yakin dgn kemampuan & kebolehan aku dalam bidang programming, Dari pemerhatian aku sepanjang melihat rakan-rakan lain di arena kerjaya, ramai yang seiringan belajar ilmu baru di mana, aku catit & belajar jika ada masa terluang. Bukan meletakkan tahap pada sesiapa, aku akur aku masih lepa dlm byk hal & ilmu. Sekadar contoh & fakta menguatkan pendapat aku. Aku juga yakin, ramai di luar sana, (ilmunya) setaraf dgn aku semasa mula bekerja.

Isu wang & masa yang menyekat byk pemikiran & perancangan aku. Sehingga pada suatu tahap, bunuh diri juga suatu penyelesaian. Subhanallah & sesungguhnya aku tidak tipu & merasa bodoh. Pada saat-saat seperti ini, aku lemah dlm byk hal. Jika aku gagahkan, aku cuba sedaya aku utk lulus semester ini. Jika bekerja menampakkan rasional, aku bertukar arah. Bayangkan, hanya final exam sahaja utk aku lulus & kerana kedatangan, aku tidak layak. Bulan Ramadhan memang penuh dgn cabaran. Sakit jiwa.

Weird Dream

I was hungry, so I stop at McD for a quick lunch. Since it has been awhile I didn’t stop to actually queue in line. The parking lot was underground. Suprisingly it’s few stories under & connected to a plaza. I managed to glanced at the plaza’s name too – Al-Ghaza-something-Enterprise. The plaza was not crowded as its suppose to be & the parking lot doesn’t have emergency exits or stairs to the upper-levels.
“B2”, the sign reads and I parked my car next to a deep metallic blue compact car (it looked like a Viva but then again, a bit of Opus).

A few brawny guys was hanging around the parking booth & they doesn’t seems to aware of my presence. Not giving much thought to them, I reached at McD and continued to the (only) entrance. To my suprise, I know two of the staff – one was working as a delivery guy & the other tend the cashier. So I tried greeting them but they seem to be confused – so confused, they didn’t even know why they were working at McD. Again, I didn’t gave much thought & simply order my meal. Then, a tudung-wearing makcik came in with her son in the stroller. I looked around (the interior setting looked much alike the McD near Bulatan Pahang) while waiting for my meal. There’s also a couple and a cute girl behind me. When my order came in, before I took them, the makcik snatched my fries & coke & really digged in. She wore those vampire teeth. Mind you, she doesn’t have the evil rampantly sexual blood-sucking mind-manipulating man-beasts of yore. Just smiling, I walked away with my only double spicy chicken McDeluxe burger though the cashier insisted giving me a new set of fries & coke.

I got back to my car and the car was hanging 5-6 feet from the ground. Its like a forklift lifted the car except it was a wood board lifting it. Now, I’m pretty sure, ‘I am dreaming’. So, got into my car and drove it out to a main road. You see, I know it was a dream but every detail I came across was so real, I still wasn’t that sure by the time I was driving & the afternoon hot air blew across my face. I kept driving until I reached USJ 6, Subang Jaya (I couldn’t remember how the road took me there).

Then, I picked a few slice of my fries since I was hungry and parked my car under a tree near a playground. Enjoying my meal while thinking how did I get here, an old man wearing a leather vest riding a motorcycle, knocked my window. He pointed to a road sign says “Exit”. Quickly, I start ed the engine & followed him riding through the jogging path in the playground. Then, the small path began winding & twisting in a wrong way. I always trusted my reflex; so, I backed my car in a desperate attempt to get out from the crumbling path. Then, I remember my prayers & the managed to get back to the road & woke up. 5.07PM.

I was sweating like a pig. Got up, washed my face & did Asar prayer. The scariest part of the dream, I remember how I got there.

Nenek saya.

Salam…

For past few days, I’ve been playing around with Adobe Photoshop CS4; learning how paint a portrait. Most of the technics I got it directly from this channel. Learnt how to use brushes, blending colors, etc. It’s almost fun as it’s stress.

 

Physically, I’m never good at painting. Everytime I tried to mix colors, either it’s too much or not enough & I would end up with not the exact color I wanted. So, I use CS4. Hours of practices & experiments, including much self-cursing, I came up with this failure. Supposedly, this portrait is a young lady & I turned her into an old women unintentionally. *sigh*

 

 

Big Jack #58

Salam…

 

Masa sekarang 2.52AM. Aku ada lebih kurang 3 jam utk tidur & buat keputusan. Pilihan antara rasional & nafsu. Skim atau tidak? Of course if I chooses to go, the only thing I may regret later would be money, time & rest. Tapi sesungguhnya, aku suka pressure seperti ini. Dewasa ini, aku dah xpenuhkan jadual aktiviti macam aku yg 4 tahun lepas. Aku seperti akur & terima kenyataan bahawa umur mematangkan keputusan. Peranan rasional & nafsu kebanyakannya terletak pada faktor terbesar – duit.

 

Sejak berbulan yg lepas, aku lebih banyak menolong dari memenuhi kehendak diri. Aku xberbangga. Bukan dalam tentatif jadual yg aku perlukan. Kebanyakan masa, aku cenderung berpaling dari arah yg patut aku pijak & dari masa-masa itu juga, aku lari dari rasional. Lari. Sepanjang hidup aku, aku banyak berlari. Kata-kata mak ayah dulu, semakin jelas namun bisikan jahanam masih berlegar. Bertindak degil memang seronok. Terkadang aku sendiri pun takut.

 

Buat masa yg terluang, aku habiskan dengan membaca. Teringin juga utk menulis; menyambung cerpen yg aku & Sabariah karang (“Sehari Sebuah Cerita”) dulu semula. Tapi aku tolak perlahan-lahan idea itu ke tepi kerana takut menyingkap situasi lama. Aku juga belajar mengingat memori-memori lama dgn merasa situasi pada waktu kejadian. Mungkin apa yang aku taip pada malam ini, aku x akan baca semula. Ini sekadar proses menenangkan diri, menipu diri sendiri & menghabiskan masa sambil menunggu download aku sejak 1 jam yg lepas, siap.

 

Ya, mungkin aku akan mula menulis, melukis & melangsai ‘projek-projek’ aku yang tertangguh. Tapi bukan hari ini. Dalam kepala aku sekarang timbul semacam arus deras idea. Atau mungkin ini kesan caffeine berlebihan yg aku minum sejak maghrib tadi. Selebihnya, dalam kepala aku sekarang, tatabahasa yg berkecamuk dari awal post ini. Mungkin sebab inilah aku xmenulis. Huh…. Walaubagaimanapun, aku mungkin akan upload gambar-gambar kereta Iswara kesayangan aku nanti. Ya, aku berpuas hati dgn ‘make-over’ yg aku buat.

 

Aku nak kencing.