Taman Kelengkang Indah
Holla…
11am…Aku terjaga kat atas tilam aku. Aku mundar-mandir 2,3 kali xtau ape yg aku nak cari sebelum aku switch on Julia aku. Seawal tuu gak, muka aku ketat tgk Faizin terlentang kat tgh² area ‘riadah’ umah kami. Tanpa sebab-musabab yg kukuh, aku maki gak Faizin suruh dia alih tmpt tido; tanpa aku sedar sebab sebenar aku harus gune intonasi sedemikian utk tegur dia. Mamai mugkin. Aku gi cuci muka sambil igt balik ape aku buat sebelum aku tido & camne aku leh luruskan tulang blakang kat tilam aku; camne aku leh sampai kat tilam tuu (semacam rutin harian aku dah). Sambil aku tutup paip sinki, aku pikir ape aku nak buat arini (sambil target progress game aku tgh maen skang….dem…xde life siot).
Beberapa jam lepas tuu, sume bende aku buat semacam kabur. Byk habis masa kat PC. BANYAK….
Kul 4, last thing yg aku btol² igt selepas aku duduk kat depan PC aku. Azhar ajak kuar. Makan kat luar. Dipendekkan cite, gi Mid Valley, layan pale aku yg dah bengal xlepas beban dlm pale, cari point nak ‘dajal’kan Faizin, layan pale lg, jd xbtol. Hatta, outing yg aku rumuskan – seronok. Realitinya, aku xleh lari….lg. Maybe aku xcukup ready. Slow² aku cuba jauh dari handset aku. Sume kenangan pahit handset tuu. Somehow, aku develop suatu phobia – kat handset aku sendiri (Ade term utk tuu x? hmm…). Little by little, day by day, aku naik benci tgk handset aku sendiri. Aku dah xbawak handset aku ke mana²; sekadar alarm bgn tido @ reminder je. The truth is, aku kalu leh, xnak jawab call dr sape². Including my parents. Not that I got grudges with them….Just not ready for my past @ the outside.
Dammit. I gotta say, I hate being this kinda selfish. Its not my style keeping everything to myself. The question is, trust. Or who will understand? I need a way out. Solutions to solutions ahead. Hah….They say stone sinks. I never thought it’ll drag me. The thoughts of the grand comeback seems like too far. The thoughts of getting her back is impossible by the seconds; getting my two foot on firm ground is almost impossible. I wonder how long this’ll last – Hate, pain, scars, wounds, hate & more pain. Most likely, I need a ‘test subject’. More like a piece of meat.
God damn….sudden headache….again. Need sleep. Need help….fast. 8:16am. A few more hours, everything needs to be reset….again. Let me rephrase that, don’t help me. Just f-off….
Leave a Reply